Workshop for Ken's Paper

Overall
1. What do you like best about the paper? Be specific.

My favorite part about your paper is that it has a great local flavor to it. It also provides a good local perspective as it is obvious you enjoy fishing on the Kenai river. Your paper also does a good job of showing how important this issue is to you.

2. Email the author and ask for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.

I think that all of your paragraphs are good on content, I think it would be best to cut out some of the opinions and definately make sure to cite sources.

3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis? What argument does the thesis make?

Your opinion is clear in your thesis statement.

4.What group of people agrees with the author? What group disagrees with the author?

People who believe that boat restrictions do not help control pollution on the Kenai River agree with this statement and people who do think boat restrictions work would disagree

5.Does the paper have an argumentative thesis statement using ALTHOUGH and BECAUSE?

Your paper does include an argumentative although because clause.

Content
6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest! (Friends don’t let friend turn in boring essays!)

I would give this paper a seven on how interesting it is. It is a subject that I was not familiar with but I enjoy fishing so it is interesting to me.

7.Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader? Be specific (e.g. “the 3rd is dullsville”; “the conclusion is really vague”).

Your ideas are there in what I think is one big second paragraph, but they could be organized a lot better. Maybe try splitting this paragraph into a second and third paragraph (this may just have been a formatting error because of the blog site) Also you use a lot of informal "I" and "you" language which should be removed.

8.What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise? If there are none, go back to #3.

The main objections people would make is that a lot of your claims appear to be opinions. Use more sources to defend your ideas. Also, many would argue that the environmental issues are important and so the regulations should remain in place.

9.Has the author dealt with these objections?
I would address these objections by supporting your theory that the regulations don't actually benefit the environment.

10.Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

The relationship between the thesis and the paragraphs could definately use more organizations. Try using my suggestion from number 7

Style
11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?

Work on your transitions between the intro, body, and conclusions as they are a little jumpy.

12.Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening?

The opening of the essay does capture the attention of the reader by using a good attention getting question about the Kenai river.

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction?

The concluding paragraph is confusing and is fused with the body of the paper. The conclusion should summarize your main points and your thesis.
Research

14.How many different sources are cited in the paper (don’t look at Works Cited; look at the parenthetical citations. The medium does not matter.)

There are no clearly cited sources in your paper which need to be addressed

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?

More sources would be helpful and they should be quoted

16.Does the author have more quotes in his/her paper than personal opinion?

There are a LOT of personal opinion in your paper

17.Are there any sources listed on the Works Cited that are not cited within the body of the essay? (This is a no-no)

There are sources that are not cited but it is hard to tell because of the formatting of the works cited portion of the paper.

18. Is all the information retrieved from research, including opinion, ideas, paraphrases, quotes, and statistics, cited with in-text (parenthetical) citations? If not, list specifics of what needs to be cited (friends don’t let friends turn in plagiarized papers).

More citations are definately necessary for your final draft

19. All quotes in research papers should be commented upon. Does the author comment after every quote? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.

There are not any direct quotes which should definately be addressed